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Reflection from March 8th, 2014 @ Age 32

RE:  HUMANS WHO HAVE THE BALLS TO *BE* DIFFERENT — AND THE PEOPLE WHO HATE THEM, FOR *LESS* THAN ADMIRABLE REASONS.

I’m in the middle of my first PAIMI Council meeting and came outside to take a break—because, it’s a little (i.e. a lot) overwhelming.  I don’t know why, and I feel bad for leaving mid-meeting.  I mean, I’m gonna go back.  I just feel very overwhelmed and guilty, and—kinda shitty about myself, and I don’t know why.  So, I just needed a break I guess…

And really they should understand that—but, I don’t know.  I just wish I could relax.  But I can’t.  I’m so tired and feel so guilty—and, I don’t know.  It kinda feels awful.  I don’t know why; I just do.  So I’m gonna go have one more cig and try to relax here, but…

I don’t know.  Social anxiety in groups, I guess.  Feeling excluded, I guess—like everyone knows each other and, I know no one I guess.  Anyways…

Here I go ;0)