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Reflection from June 10th, 2013 @ Age 31

RE:  I **TOTALLY** UNDERSTAND NOW, **WHY** THEY WANTED ME TO HATE MYSELF ;oD

I wish, wish, wish more than anything (like, kind of superficially speaking, but you know what I mean), that if I came home early from work one day, I wouldn’t have my dad sitting here judging me—thinking to himself, “This girl’s such a lazy motherfucking piece of shit.  I mean, I have bad days when I want to come home from work early, but I am better than her because I am stronger and I stay.”  Guess, really, I mean substantially speaking—there’s something to be said for that, in and of itself.  It’s like this lady with 18 million cats who reeks in her pajamas at work and takes such fucking pride in the fact that she gets to work every morning ½ to one whole hour early.  It’s like lady, why are you wasting your time if it’s for someone else’s benefit—to which they could not care less, to give you any credit?!!?!?!?  I mean, there’s a slight stretch there and all with the comparison with my father, but not by much.  Or wait, is there?  I’m confusing myself now.  That’s not good.  Or is it?

One sec…I was working on posting something on WordPress, or a reply or whatever and just want to finish up real quick—which really, could be like hours but whatever.  I mean, whatever you know—I love it!!  Okay, I shall be back…

Later

I just really, really miss having a best friend to hang out with and just be bored with or stupid with or eat popcorn and watch our favorite TV shows together.  I miss having a home with that person.  I’d never, ever want it again to be with Adam—but, I just miss having that…

I don’t know, whatever you want to call it—companionship, I guess.  Having someone who really cares about the details of your life, makes such a big difference.