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Reflection from June 28th, 2014 @ Age 33


I am very, very tired today.  As of yet, anyways.  It might have something to do with the extra milligram of Xanax I took last night—to ease my nerves and to be sure I’d be capable to sleep alright.

And so I pay the consequences of side-effects.  Such is life, I guess.  Sigh

Lainey emailed me last night—she’s been reading through Jane Says, which is pretty exciting ;0)  She said she doesn’t understand a lot of the “legal” stuff, but I think it’s going to be alright, because she said she’s really enjoying the story and especially the “journal” parts—which is the most important part of the process—to begin educating as to the true nature of mental illness.

It’s pretty fun to be able to be the one who gets to do that, i.e. my own way—which notably seems to be the only way which is going to work.  So, despite my evolving revelation that I’m going to have to go on “disability” here for awhile, money is less important than enlightening humanity.  And hence, having none, will too just become a part of this process.  It will not last forever…this too shall pass—it will indeed have as with all things—a beginning, middle and too, an end.  So I might as well find the gems in this stage of enlightenment…and enjoy them—whilst they are in existence and so long as they shall last.

I think that’s all for now though…back to reading and educating myself, which I’ve notably found to be very enjoyable at long last.

It occurred to me yesterday, amongst many other revelations, that this is my —dream— now, manifested.

I can clearly recall old journal entries wherein I describe the blessing it would be, to have the freedom to read and explore knowledge and to think and discover and write.  I suppose then, in that particular sense, this concept of going on “disability”, though perhaps disguised, is in fact, a blessing.