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fallen-angel

Reflection from April 25th, 2014 @ Age 32

RE:  WHEN A DARK ONE TURNS BACK TO THE LIGHT, I.E. VICTORIA’S *SECRET* ;oD

I just stopped into Whole Foods to pick up this Heresay Imperial Stout and Sweet Chili Garlic Kettle Chips to take with to John’s for hospitality, and at the checkout—the guy who checked me out was super goofy, asking me about my weekend and whatnot.  And I paid and the conversation wound down to his saying, “well, the sun finally came out…a victory for the people,” and flashed me a peace sign as I left.

I love you Universe ;0)

Later

It totally just occurred to me that “victor” (i.e. Varcho, spelled “V” as in “Victor”…) might have any other meaning besides some guy’s first name.  But it does…!

I can’t believe I’m just realizing this now ;0)

After all these years!!!

Hah…“conqueror,” hah ;0)

That’s me!  I am she…just all meant to be ;0)

Later

Victor keeps reverberating.  I don’t know why, but it without doubt does.

The guy at the checkout I’d mentioned before, prior to the comments I’d mentioned before, he looked at my necklace—the one from Aunt Bonnie—he said, “that’s not a cross, but I can’t tell what it is…” and I said, “I don’t know either…a flower, I think.”  And then the rest followed and I was out the door over to John’s house I did go.

And once I was there—it was John and Angie and I—we came to speaking of childhood, and John in less words than more, said that I was an evil one back then.  Which got me to thinking on the drive home…

He wants to get me to admit it, and I did to myself on the drive home to mom and dad’s house.  He said Alex and I were on the same level and I couldn’t always win, and it was because I was alone and Alex had the power (i.e. stupid/blind admiration) of the people (because of all “his” money and “things” it could buy)—he brought up the knife in the kitchen story, where I’d pulled the knife from the knife block to get Alex to get me out of the psychological headlock he’d wrangled me in—John oblivious the entire time.  Alex the “artist”—Alex who has supposedly come to realize what an asshole he was to so many people—even Angie herself, said he’d tripped her on purpose in gym class and watched her fall and cry and he laughed about it.  Alex is winning.  He will not win though—I will be the victor here during my reign.  And my reign has now officially begun.

The darkness within me is stronger than the light—but I know that, I have spent many years in training and I know that power as well as my light, and I have learned to channel my darkness into my light, and that glare can dull the dark edge of evil any day; unless it gets to me first—unless it causes me to forget.  If I continue writing, I will not forget—should I ever quit however, well we know how my memory tends so easily to forget.

With great power comes great responsibility.  I shall never forget—or else I shall lose the war, and with it, my reign down over evil.