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Reflection from August 5, 2008 @ Age 27


I stayed last night after the meeting and talked with people.  I was talking with someone as I walked out, then I just kept seeing people and wanting to say hi.  It was kind of nice, really.  I was looking around the room during the meeting (which took place in a church last night…blecchhh!) and realized that I know half if not more of the people there now.  I don’t know, it just felt nice to be a part of a group I guess, regardless of group type. 

Anyways, I have to shower so this has to be fast…on my way to the car I stopped and talked to this 20-something boy and he asked me why I was coming there and I laughed and do you know what I told him?!  I told him I used to have troublesome thoughts about suicide so I started seeing a therapist and she told me to start coming to meetings.  And so now I do.  Can you believe that?!  It’s like I open my mouth and the goddamn truth comes flooding out before I even have a chance to protect myself.  I think I’m okay in this position—do you know what this boy said to me?  He said, “how could you want to kill yourself when you’re so beautiful?”  It was really cute.  He asked me how old I was and I said 27 and he said, “what!”  He said, “you don’t even look like you’re 20!”  I said yep, I’m through law school and about to take the bar exam and everything!  I was so proud of myself in that moment!  Anyways, it was quite the little exchange…it was funny to see his shift in attitude between him thinking I was 17 and 27!  It’s really hard to believe, this phenomenon, where I feel like everyday I’m getting more and more beautiful.  It’s almost like I’m getting younger and younger looking as I grow older as well!  What a lucky girl I am!  At this rate I’ll look 40 when I’m 60, just like Christie Brinkley!  What a lucky girl!