Reflection from January 27th, 2015 @ Age 33
RE: LEARNING TO BE EMOTIONALLY SELF-SUSTAINING.
Hi. I feel stuck. I don’t know why exactly…
I have cab $$ in the bank, so I could leave the house if I really wanted to. I have $$ enough to go out for a drink or even go shopping if I wanted; but what I really want is someone who really wants to hang out with me. And honest to god, if I’d just respond to my 118 Linked In messages already, I’m as sure as a human being could possibly be, that I could find someone to meet for drinks.
So it must be something more than that even.
But I’m not sure what; I do wonder though ;0)
You know @ PS?
Madonna’s Like a Prayer is playing on the radio ;0)
and, these electronics, I tell you W.H.A.T.!
I don’t think they’re necessarily super powered for the normal touch, but M.A.N.!
SUPER POWER ;0)
Hi. Okay, here’s the deal ;0/
My mama was letting me “borrow” this statuesque Mary figure in pink, which, as it turns out n’all from the $$ analysis I’ve now coincidentally received (from her) regarding same, was made of “Fenton” glass in England or some shit like that. Yeah. So then, the dilemma lies in the fact that all of a —sudden— she has become interestingly attached to this statute; to this very statuesque Mother Mary figure which she paid —NO— attention, w.h.a.t.s.o.e.v.e.r. mind you, for the past 2-3 decades, she just all of a sudden became attached, just after I gave that statue away to Geofffrey ;0/
Yeah. So.., it’s very interesting to see where it is, I received my intuition from n’all ;0)
And, otherwise, that’s all the further I’ve gotten in the ethical-dilemma analysis thus far ;0/
And then, there was April.., ;0)
She was all texting me, telling me how, all the ways in which her boyfriend is emotionally abusive (in more words) and so I just admitted it to/for = 2/4 her.., hmm…
Anyways, I just finally texted her back…
It was just kind of irritating because I was all ready to pay > $100 to get a cab out to her house in German Village to visit her n’all, but I was like, “would you mind if I crash on your couch tonight and that way I can get some other German Village errands accomplished while I’m in the area” which is notably key, in that I’m multitasking here people, to conserve green resourcery…
Sigh. So anyways, it just struck me as rude that she was all “well, I just saw your brother last week and my boyfriend is already gonna be pissed at me then, for seeing you too, within the same week” or something or another but just like along those lines n’all. As in, he doesn’t want her seeing her ex (my brother) and her ex’s sista (me) because he’s afraid he’s gonna lose her back to we (i.e., John and me). And so then April is tiptoeing around on his eggshells and I’m all, you know? I don’t wanna be the fuel to flame this guy’s emotionally abusive fire. I just don’t. And so, I won’t. And it’s a bummer n’all—it is, I told her that and everything. But I’m not tryin’ to be a party to those situations anymore. It is what it is—I said that too. But I dunno…
Just another prime example of when doing what is “right” and feeling “good” are not necessarily calibrated yet synonymously.
I don’t know if that’s spelled “right” but, hopefully you can catch the meaning in any case. Hmphh..