Reflection from September 19th, 2001 @ Age 20
RE: LEARNING ALL OF THE WAYS IN WHICH THIS FORMERLY PATRIARCHAL AMERICAN SOCIETY HAD SO SERIOUSLY FUCKED UP MY FEMALE PSYCHE.
Well, it has been one week and I have already fucked shit up. It was all great ‘n shit that I thought that this could be it, but when reality hit me and I realized this really could be it, it fucking freaked me out!
And the worst part of it is, he wanted me to tell him what was wrong. Which I didn’t know and still don’t know what is, but last night I guess I thought it would be a bright idea to try to explain to him what I was thinking about. And basically I was thinking he wants Penelope fucking Cruz which just fucking bothers me because I hate her. And anyways, he would hardly touch me you know. No, he did, I won’t lie, but it is just weird having a guy who doesn’t just want to sleep with me, you know? Or just get on me like Dave did. Which is so great, but at the same time, it kind of makes me feel like he doesn’t think that I am attractive. And I actually tried to explain all this to him which I now realize was a horrible idea! Because he doesn’t ‘get’ anything.
So I am just really annoyed now. And it is like, the more I try to explain myself, the deeper a hole I dig myself into. But I think he might get shrooms today which is cool. Life is so fucking weird!