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Reflection from February 20th, 2015 @ Age 33



I feel super wretch.  ;0(

Seriously though, in all honesty, I feel wretched; just all super disgusting up inside, like I’m growing “thicker skin” again and it disgusts me.  I loathe doing this one process in particular like those legislators loathe my mother act ;0)  Lol…

So, hah ;0)

Maybe that’s where the source of this self-loathing I’m feeling originated!


No, in all honesty, I can barely type because everything I think to type seems wretched, touching the keys seems rather wretched, I’m wanting to finish typing up my handwritten journals to-date to save to the iCloud and backup before I leave for the trip and the thought just in-and-of-itself is wretching me out ;0)

Just wretched all around over here at present!

Sigh, so I don’t know.  No, I…no, I don’t know.  I don’t know what Senator Coley is thinking.  Drew didn’t call me back to schedule the appointment for next week to meet and talk to Senator Coley about abortion, which we had originally scheduled a couple weeks back and then Senator Coley got pneumonia and all and then his wife came into the story putting her foot down and all, and then all my shenanigans on Twitter the past couple’a weeks n’all lol.., ;0)

I just don’t know what to think because I don’t have a link to the inside of that whole world you know.  I mean I do, it is Senator Coley, which is why it does worry me just slightly that he’s just going to fall off the face of the Earth and just not care about me anymore.  I mean, I know it kind of may sound absurd.., see, sigh.

I’m self-censoring myself right now and it’s super annoying!!  I know everything will be fine, and I know Senator Coley still cares and will help (not saying he necessarily wants to at this point lol.., but I know he will.., and that’s why I love him ;0)- so I suppose that begs the question then, as to what in the world I am so worried about.  And so then there too is the answer ;0(

Abandonment.  The past is haunting me—and so, I see you past, bright and clear in my mind right now as we speak, and I acknowledge you, and validate your time once was, and I so too validate that your time is now GONE.  SO GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HEART AND MIND!!!