Reflection from July 12th, 2001 @ Age 20
RE: I FOUND “THE BOY” INSIDE MYSELF ;0)
It’s so strange sometimes how people can just surprise the hell out of you.
I just put my babies to sleep with “The Last Unicorn” and I think it’s so cool that they love it and find it just as fascinating and wondrous a book as I used to and still do.
I surprisingly had a pretty good day today. Other than the fact that I have discovered that I have athlete’s foot from the showers here…my day was really good.
One of the nicer things that happened was…I thought one of my girls Natalie hated me. She never listens and is always giving me these funny looks. But today we did evaluations, well they did, and I looked at them afterwards (even though I shouldn’t of) and she gave be the best rating there was and said that her counselor was the best thing about camp. Now, she very well could have been talking about Sleepy. But I’ve realized that she does sometimes grab my hand and likes to be around me and it’s just such a good feeling to know she likes me and has had a good week.
I’m really sad now that I didn’t take pictures with all my kids. But what better to do than learn from and let go of the past, and move on as a smarter and better person?!
I’m very excited that Saturday morning is my last day working here…but I must admit, after today I’m feeling a bit sad about leaving some of the people. I think I’ll kind of miss Perry and Jelli and Ali and Smiley, and maybe even Squirrel and Sprite too. I must learn how to move on though. It’s an essential part of living life. But I do think I’ll miss them and hopefully will keep in touch. Ohh and there are more like Knee and Wooley n’such. But it’s time to move on, and maybe I will keep in touch with them and party with them the rest of the summer which would rock! Who knows? We’ll just have to wait and see.
I can’t believe though, that I let what happened with Perry and me happen. I must be better about these things because it’s the same way I’ve lost a lot of good guy friends. Note to self: learn to be more upfront with guys.
Well I am home for my wonderful night away from hell-camp. I have been thinking, and I think that I am definitely feeling just absolutely uncomfortable in my own skin. But I also think it is kind of okay, and maybe possibly even normal. I think this is just the time I really need to do some self-evaluating. Hah but then again after looking at what I have written exactly one year ago, I think maybe I have come a long way. I’m kind of sad about never getting to talk to Jen. I miss her and very much want to be mad at her for spending so much time with Hersh. But then again (hopefully) I know someday I’ll have a boyfriend I am madly crazy about and want to spend all my time with. So I guess I kind of understand, but I’m just sad because I feel very very far away from her and I know I won’t see her for about five more months. But I’m sure a little time apart will be good for both of us.
I really must get over my fears though. I’ve been thinking about doing that horseback riding thing. But see I’m scared to do that because I’ll be no good. But then again, I guess who cares? It’s just for fun anyways. And I still very much so want to learn guitar.
But for now I must get back to camp for the last two days yeah!
Guys! Hi!! Just wanted to let you know, Spring is coming!! I promise..
Just a matter of mere months now!
All my love,