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Reflection from August 23rd, 2001 @ Age 20


Ah! I had the most wonderful time this week! I got in from Chicago on Sunday evening and had a lovely visit with Rob and Beth and hopefully I won’t jinx myself by saying this, but we all got along wonderfully well!

Then Sunday night I stayed with Daniella and all the volleyball girls and we smoked which was a lot of fun, even though I got quite stupid! It’s going to be a change this year again because it is different without Jen and also different as an upperclassman…but it is almost an automatic kick to my ego, and a nice lil’ boost like that can always work wonders!

Also, surprisingly (but then again not really), I found out that all of the volleyball girls and some others are deactivating from Theta – I am going to as well I think. It just isn’t fun at all. And the best thing I got out of it, my new friends, I can keep either way. And we are on probation again either way, so we can’t even have parties which sucks. And it will be $400 again, so I just don’t think it is worth it for the name. Also I really want to do the horseback riding thing, so I would now have the money to do that. So we’ll see.

I think I am going to start saving money because I really want to find an internship somewhere exciting for next summer where I have always wanted to be. Boston might be my no.1 choice. So beautiful and so much to do, near Danielle and Jes, and could possibly look into Boston College for grad school. And maybe free up some type of employment opportunity if they like me at an internship and I like it there.

Also have been thinking…look at all those people I went to grade/middle/high school with. I don’t even see any of them now, nor will I ever see most of them again. It seems more and more silly everyday to be caring what other people think about me. Now, obviously the people I love, I care about their opinions. But they know me and want to help me. The vast majority of all the other people just don’t even matter. So Maris! Don’t get caught up in what other people are thinking!

I also had the best time with Stacey this week. We spent from Monday night till tonight together and it was just like old times! We even jinxed each other with the same words like three times! It was very strange but so reassuring that it is still just Stacey and Marissa, just a little bit older and wiser now! We even went out to Pittsburg today to IKEA and walked around the city and ate dinner in a lovely restaurant overlooking the city! It was so much fun and we bonded so well not like ever before!

So I have been thinking about some changes I want to make and I will conclude tonight with them. First, I want to figure out what I want, even if it starts out vaguely, and by god, go out and get it, on my own, for myself! Second, I want to be more dependable for my friends – if I say I will be there, I’ll be there damn’t! Then, I want to find an internship and save money from my job this school year for rent (in Boston!). Next, of course, study! I want to get some phat-ass grades! Also, I want to keep in touch with friends and family better, be nicer to Dave (you never know?!), and do guitar, horseback riding and yoga…for entertainment and for soul-fulfillment purposes. Ohh and there’s more! I want to send a care package or something to Jen in England. I want to make my parents proud of me and my accomplishments again. They really did more than they should have for me this summer and I want to repay them by figuring out, going after, and getting my dreams. And finally, I want to keep learning to love myself and to be proud of myself. It’s a wonderful feeling that I’ve lost for awhile. But it’s just about that time now to get it back!