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Reflection from August 23rd, 2001 @ Age 20

RE:  CONSCIOUSLY PONDERING THOUGHTS ABOUT THE KIND OF HUMAN BEING I WANT TO BE.

Also have been thinking…look at all those people I went to grade/middle/high school with.  I don’t even see any of them now, nor will I ever see most of them again.  It seems more and more silly everyday to be caring what other people think about me.  Now, obviously the people I love—I care about their opinions.  But they know me and want to help me.  The vast majority of all the other people just don’t even matter.  So Maris!  Don’t get caught up in what other people are thinking!

I also had the best time with Kayliegh this week.  We spent from Monday night till tonight together and it was just like old times!  We even jinxed each other with the same words like three times!  It was very strange but so reassuring that it is still just Kayliegh and Marissa, just a little bit older and wiser now!  We even went out to Pittsburg today to IKEA and walked around the city and ate dinner in a lovely restaurant overlooking the city!  It was so much fun and we bonded so well not like ever before!

So I have been thinking about some changes I want to make and I will conclude tonight with them.  First, I want to figure out what I want—even if it starts out vaguely—and by god, go out and get it, on my own, for myself!  Second, I want to be more dependable for my friends—if I say I will be there, I’ll be there damn’t!  Then, I want to find an internship and save money from my job this school year for rent (in Boston!).  Next, of course, study!  I want to get some phat-ass grades!  Also, I want to keep in touch with friends and family better, be nicer to Dave (you never know?!), and do guitar, horseback riding and yoga…for entertainment and for soul-fulfillment purposes.  Ohh and there’s more!  I want to send a care package or something to Stella in England.  I want to make my parents proud of me and my accomplishments again.  They really did more than they should have for me this summer and I want to repay them by figuring out, going after, and getting my dreams.  And finally, I want to keep learning to love myself and to be proud of myself.  It’s a wonderful feeling that I’ve lost for awhile.  But it’s just about that time now to get it back!