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Reflection from February 3rd, 2002 @ Age 20

Re:  Lost the boy, found my heart, melted it, what comes next again?!!

Ahh I’m a little lonely tonight.  I guess that’s a lot to say for someone who has a great family, great friends, wonderful best-friends, and who is going to a good college and is figuring out what she wants from life (well…kind of…in the process anyways).  Ohh and I suppose you could even tack on a boyfriend to that list if you wanted to.

Things are going okay with Jeremy.  I guess it all depends on how you look at it.  I mean, on the one hand you could say that there have been no huge bumps in the road (yet) and things have been going great!  Or you could say that it feels like things are going nowhere and I am almost kind of losing interest.  I mean, I’m not really in one sense because he’s super nice and I love hanging out with him and he’s a cute boy and all, but I don’t know.  I guess maybe I am getting bored?!  I don’t know.  I just don’t know.

I mean, I don’t know if it is because I am losing interest or if the really exciting part is over and this is what is supposed to come next.  Ugh!  Is so confusing!  But anyway you look at it…February 14th is right around the corner so that kinda sparks a little fire in me somewhere whether I would admit it to another living soul or not.  I mean…I really have never been dating someone during the whole ordeal…so it could be interesting.  But what if he forgets about me?!  Wahh!

Ohh and Stella just got back hoorah!  And I’m not so lonely anymore.  I think I’ll go do my homework in her room.

Oh and I blacked out again yesterday and I have been sleeping an awful lot lately and I hope I don’t have mono!  Jeremy didn’t call at all today.  See, I don’t know if things like that should bother me or if it means nothing and I should just let it slide.  I’m so insecure in relationships!  It’s sick!  But at least I’m at least somewhat sure I have a boy with good/neutral intentions.  I most definitely hate getting hurt in the heart!

Update — He may, have come back as a dog

I’m just not quite sure, yet…

It’s too soon, to tell ;0)