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Reflection from October 23rd, 2008 @ Age 27
RE: THE *UPSIDE* TO HAVING A “SERIOUS MENTAL ILLNESS”.
I took the day off of work today because I was “sick”. Really I just had a bad case of allergies and some dizzys but it was wonderful all the same. It’s just nice every once in awhile to take a free day if you know what I mean.
I watched the Olsen twins on Oprah this afternoon and they were all talking about finding a way to make money doing something you love. It made me think about journaling and how it would be great if I could make money doing that. I’m not sure if anyone would be interested in what I had to say—but I guess you really never know until you try, right? Anyways, what struck me about the Olsen twins is that they don’t have a charity or foundation and you never hear about them giving away money for good causes. Maybe they do, just in private—but it does make me wonder how people like Paris Hilton, with gobs of money they’ll never even be able to spend could be so greedy as to never share in their wealth. It gives new meaning to never having enough.
I think I would define success as having financial independence and fulfilling personal relationships. It doesn’t take all that much, but for me these two goals are ever ohh so out of reach. No wonder I feel like a failure. If I defined success in terms of education, I’d be a great success. But I don’t. I just don’t. I therefore feel like a failure. I don’t know what else to say.
Anyways, I’ve been reading through my spring 2007 journal entries and they’re very interesting. I almost get a headache from reading them, they’re just so intense I can hardly bear it. I think it shows the beginnings of my very clear bipolar nature though, which is good. I think I’ve always had the illness to some extent, but I think it’s definitely progressed in a substantial way over the past couple of years.