Reflection from September 7th, 2008 @ Age 27
RE: MY INCORRECT PRESUMPTION THAT SMUGNESS ONLY COMES FROM MONEY—AND THAT IT IS EVEN REAL “SMUGNESS”, WHEN IT DOES ;0)
My writing has been so bland lately, but it can’t possibly be because I’ve been happy, could it? I don’t usually feel happy these days, except for selective, shortly-lived reprieves. Who knows. I’m dreading going into work tomorrow. My boss wants me to be so excited about the work that we do, but I’m just not. I can’t help it if what I do bores me. Am I supposed to feign excitement in the meantime and hope that it someday genuinely manifests itself? Am I supposed to pretend to be something that I’m not? That’s most assuredly it. That’s what I’ve learned from the law…you have to become someone you are not if you want to “do well” in your career. Maybe that’s the truth with most careers though; I wouldn’t doubt it.
Anyways, I’m trying to study and it’s pretty difficult to do. I’m trying to get as much done as I can, as quickly as I possibly can—but I’m still not really getting anywhere. Or at least that’s the way that it feels. Feelings can be quite deceiving at times though; this I have learned. So what the hell. I’ll study and see where it takes me. Hopefully to some sort of worthwhile destination.
Still dreading work tomorrow. Still studying the endless abyss. Still annoyed with smug people. You know what I hate about smug people? They don’t understand that more than likely the only reason they’re in their privileged position is a mere result of luck and has very little to do with their own doings. Damn smug people. Out there pitying everyone else’s shitty positions in life. I hate smug people.