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Reflection from March 17th, 2008 @ Age 26


I forgot to mention the other day, but when I was at the beauty salon talking with Alyssa, my wonderful hair stylist, I was telling her a little bit about my family and I ended up telling her about my brother who is no longer talking with the family and all.  Well then she started to share a little with me about her family, and she told me that her only sibling, her older brother, had been missing now for years.  I thought she was kidding me and I told her as much and she said no, no, honest to god not.  And I was shocked.  I later asked her what she thought about the whole Health Ledger being found dead in his apartment and all, and she said her dad went on a drinking binge for a week because it reminded him of his son, her brother, such tragedy for such young souls.  I really don’t know what to say more than I was really shocked that that’d happened to her and I feel so bad about it, and I wish there were something I could do, some way I could help.  But I don’t know what to do and I don’t know how to help.  It feels really good though that she at least thought that she could tell me something like that, that she could share it with me, and really she was showing me that I was not alone.  That her brother had quite literally gone missing too.  My heart breaks when such beauty lies deep within such hideous tragedy.

It seems more and more that beauty is what’s given to those who belong here, by those who do not, before they’re early departure’s taken flight.  I am a medical miracle.  Without drugs, I would not still be alive.  If we simply allowed evolution to chart its own course, I would be long gone from this world.  But sometimes, I’m really not sure which is the better of both ailments.