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Reflection from March 7th, 2008 @ Age 26


It’s funny, I’m sitting here reading more about bipolar online, and on this particular website they really downplay the fact that there might be a correlation between people who are artistic and people who are bipolar—namely that people with bipolar illness are more apt to be creative types.  They even go on to say that there’s a danger in making this association, but I think it’s a rather natural jump.  I mean, as far as I can tell, when I am in my manic or depressive states, I think that is when I write my very best.  This makes sense because when I am in these extreme mood states, the reason I’m in these particular states, as far as I’m convinced, is because my brain chemicals are imbalanced…too much or too little serotonin, dopamine, whatever.  Anyways, the imbalance causes me sometimes to have too little of these critical chemicals and sometimes to have too much of them.  When I have either too little or too much, I am at my most creative.

I believe that I am able to express myself creatively with far greater capacity than the average Joe Schmo.  I am able to do so because I am able to experience life in extreme mental and emotional conditions—conditions which are not typically available to average persons unless through the use of particular illicit drugs.  I believe that being in a natural state of euphoric mania offers far greater creative capacity because although you are experiencing perhaps the same euphoric state, you are doing so with the availability of self-awareness and greater clarity.  Although I have not control over my euphoric state, I do have control enough to record what comes to me—what comes into my mind when I am in such a state.  I think that is a marked difference between creativity produced by illicit drugs and natural born creativity.  Anyways, I could go on but I think I’d just end up repeating myself at this point, and you get the point anyways.  I’ma read some more…