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REFLECTION FROM DECEMBER 4TH, 2001 @ AGE 20

RE:  BIPOLAR CONFUSION & THE DOWNWARD SPIRAL OF THE DEPRESSIVE SIDE.

So Gillian finally called me up, and we had a cig and talked and it was nice.  She and her roommates are in trouble though which sucks for them.  Hah Elijah Stone wants me though, she said.  Funny little fact for the day.  Kind of flattering, especially for the fact that he ‘knows’ me from philosophy class.  I wish I knew more about why guys think I’m hot.  I mean, because we have class together where I say bonehead philosophical things!  Ahh who knows.  Gosh, not much exciting shit going on lately.  I’m going to North Canton this weekend ugh!  I hope I have a good time.  I will think good thoughts.  Yes I will.  Hah…am going to stop talking now.

LATER

God I feel blue.  I feel like everything bad and horrible is all of a sudden coming at me like a freight train and I don’t know what to do except stand here and watch everything crumble.  I feel like the worst sister and daughter and friend and student in the world.  I feel like I’m a mean person.  I feel like I am seeing everything around me through a fog of hatred.  I feel like I am dreading everything I should be looking forward to.  I feel like nothing makes sense anymore.  I feel like I am going to fail my two exams tomorrow.  And I can’t sleep.  Ugh!