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REFLECTION FROM DECEMBER 14, 2002 @ AGE 21

RE:  WHAT’S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?

I am not so sure I am in love with Crosby anymore.  In fact, I definitely do not think I am in love with Crosby anymore.  But I’m still not sure what the hell being ‘in love’ means anyway…

I’m sick of being at school.  I want winter break, work, money, parents, family, Christmas.  Not Crosby.  Not New Year’s with Crosby.  Not f–king beirut tables and natty-light and shots and goddamn ping pong balls.  I want to be in law school with flat screen monitor laptop, bed, apartment, job, fax/scan/copier printer, real friends and happy hours!  I want study groups and Starbucks café mochas and nice restaurants and lavish holiday parties I can dress up for!  I want fresh markets and vegetables and flowers on my kitchen table and windowsill.  I want the f–king sun in my eyes and warming my skin.  I want to be in shape.  I want to be a teeny tiny fighting machine.  I want to be a survivor.  I want to find out where I fit in this world, figure out what I can do.  I want horses and green grass for acres and acres.  Ugh!  It’s gonna be beautiful!