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**NOTE – This entry is the exact reason why U.S. Rep. Timothy Murphy’s proposed H.R.3717 is so awful – he wants to remove from the mentally-ill their voice entirely, and place the decision-making reigns into the hands of this exact type of mental-health medical “professional” described below.  I question Mr. Murphy’s motives directly – being a psychologist himself.  Incompetent mental-health medical professionals are running rampant in our society, and it’s puzzling that Mr. Murphy wouldn’t even realize the danger in such a threat.

REFLECTION FROM MARCH 11TH, 2008

RE:  MEDICATION MANAGEMENT PROCEDURE IN LIGHT OF PSYCHIATRIST/PATIENT CONFLICT-OF-INTEREST; TAKING MATTERS INTO MY OWN HANDS.

WRITTEN 3/11/2008 @ AGE 26

I decided I’m gonna say something to my psychiatrist.  I don’t know what yet, but I do know it’ll have something to do with my having to work so my insurance premiums are paid, and so I can even afford to pay co-pays and afford to pay for all the goddamn drugs I have to ingest to keep myself from killing myself or just plain flying into goddamn space, never to be heard from again.

So I’m gonna say – I’m not sure what she thinks my circumstances are – if she thinks I’m well-off or well-to-do or something, but I most certainly am not, and not going to work is plainly not an option.  And then I will say I know that she was just trying to cover-her-ass so she couldn’t be sued if I committed suicide – but who the f–k was supposed to take care of me when my doctor was off in la-la-land protecting her own self-interests?  Well, once again, as is the precipice, I was left for that duty.

It is my own duty now, and in many ways – thank god – because I know myself ohh so much better than any other person on this earth.  And then I’m going to tell her I’ve been f–king around with my medications to find some combination that actually works better for me – so that I can go to work without falling asleep at my desk, and so I’m not gorging myself into painful food comas.  Hence adding back in the Wellbutrin, splitting the Abilify into two doses to take simultaneously with the Wellbutrin to curb the hunger/tiredness of the Abilify, continue taking Lamictal as is, but increase the Seroquel at night so that I can sleep well.  Whew!  What a mouthful!  It seems to be working though, I feel good and even, and I feel like I’m doing well.  I feel like I’m doing much better than I have in many, many years – if not ever.  So that’s good and all.