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REFLECTION FROM MARCH 26TH, 2008

RE:  BIPOLAR BABY STEPS…

WRITTEN 3/26/2008 @ AGE 26

If I’m a dreamer as Stella says, then no wonder I want to end my life when my ability to dream ceases to be.  The logic makes perfect sense.  Dreaming is my lifeline.  If I live in a world where I cannot dream, where no dreams come true and consequently I have no longer the ability to dream, then no wonder I want to remove myself from such a world.

LATER

I take back what I said before about therapy.  What I learned in therapy is how to observe and acknowledge my feelings, and how to more accurately discern the stimuli causing them, and all that’s pretty vague but it’s made all the difference in my world.  I still feel like I’ve come so far and gotten nowhere, but if I force myself to look at where I’ve come from, I know I’m either lying to myself or sorely mistaken.  Learning to track my moods and behavior and the stimuli causing each led me to self diagnose my bipolar condition.  Having finally been correctly diagnosed, I can finally start taking the correct medications to help, rather than aggravate, my natural condition.  It’s made all the difference in the world I’m sure.  Of what I am not sure is why I did not think of that earlier.  I’m not sure why I was feeling so much animosity earlier, but I think it probably has more to do with personalities than it does principles.  If you catch my drift…