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I’ve been doing a great deal of thinking lately, and mostly as of yet it’s still just a big ol’ mess in my head all tangled up.  However, I do think I have salvaged one point to make for a post today, being, there really is much to be said about transparency.

I was speaking with a woman on the phone today to set up an interview, and I asked her if I could have the names of the four people who would be interviewing me so that I could look them up.  She said, “what do you mean look them up?”, to which I replied “on LinkedIn, so that I have some idea of who I am interviewing with.”  She told me she wasn’t able to give me the names and I didn’t bother to ask why — not important; but what is important is this concept of transparency which I suspect may have been at work in her answer.

Maybe there are rules or laws or bylines or whatever which prevented this woman from telling me the names of the persons who would be interviewing me — I don’t really care either way.  I told her it’s not a big deal and not to worry about it, because I am not, but what really concerns me about the matter is this:

Transparency works to provide a conscience for the actor, if one is not already sufficiently in place at the time the action positioned into transparency was made.  People act differently, when they know they are being watched.  And I’m pretty sure that’s a thing to, like a concept in the psychology books (for whatever worth they may carry at this point…there is still some).

So when I ask for transparency and encounter hesitation and refusal to provide innocently and reasonably requested information — a red flag is raised in my mind and I begin to question whether the actor is a person, organization, etc. that should be trusted.  I am bothered by this communication today, because this is a person, organization, etc. that I have felt I should be able to trust — and yet red flags keep appearing, and although innocent as said action may seem, red flags have been raised alerting me to concern nonetheless.

I have learned to trust my instincts.  They’re getting better now, finally, too.  That was a hideous mess there for awhile in and of itself, but I’ve been practicing, and they are now getting better for me and I am learning that I can and most oftentimes should rely on them — question all I want, the more the better even, but still to trust myself now on most occasions.  And henceforth and hitherto, my concern regarding said conversation came about as a result.

So anyways, this is a somewhat unfocused beginning of an answer to a question posed by one of my wonderful readers here on Jane Says for a video post — which I am still in the process of thinking through.  My reader asked me to do a post about mental health and its impact upon relationships, and this post is the product of that wonderfully complex inquiry.  The answer’s still tangled in my head, but I’m working to get some conclusions prepared…any that I can figure to-date to provide some insight — so that video should become apparent on the horizon shortly but in due time.  In the meantime, thanks for listening to my aforementioned conclusion…scatterbrained as it may seem right now, rest assured, it’s also one more piece created to solve our puzzle…  In due time, the answers will come…

UPDATE:  My reader’s inquiry actually included two parts – the question about impact of mental health/illness on my relationships and, coping mechanisms that help me to manage my mental health/illness effectively.  I suppose this post actually is a start on addressing both